Carole’s Dumb Diary

What was Carole thinking as she flew off at the end of Calculating Christmas to assume the role of Santa? I had a lot of fun writing her diary entries. I hope you enjoy reading them as well. Here’s the first five.

November 24, 15th year of King Matt’s reign

Nutmeg just handed me this book and told me I have a sacred responsibility to record my career as Santa for future Santas to study and learn from.

No, thank you, Nutmeg. That’s not going to happen.

November 25, Matt 15

Nutmeg won’t stop harassing me about writing in this stupid book. I’m over here scribbling away so he will stop asking me about it. Why would he think I want to waste time writing in a dumb diary? I’m literally on one of the sleighs doing the Christmas delivery for the first time ever. I’m going to be with my dad on my birthday for the first time ever. I don’t want to waste any of this time by writing, writing, writing.

Although Dad is sleeping now and talking to Nutmeg is pointless because he won’t stop talking about how important my reign as Santa must be because the Forces themselves interrupted the usual way of things to have me be the next Santa.

That is exactly why I don’t want to write in this dumb diary!

November 26, Matt 15

Holy Mistletoe! Nutmeg will not let up. As soon as Dad goes to the sleeping pod to rest, it’s, “Have you written today, Santa? It’s vitally important that you chronicle this beginning journey of your reign so that blah, blah, blah, blah, blah…” 

I don’t care, Nutmeg! I’m so tired of hearing about the importance of my reign.

If I was going to write something in this dumb diary–which I’m not–it would be about how worried I am about Nick and how my “reign” is basically ruining his life.

But, like I said, that’s not happening.

Okay, he seems satisfied that I have written for today. And we’re coming up on Cincinnati. I have toys to deliver.

November 27, Matt 15

I don’t know what day of the week it is anymore. It’s weird being in the sleigh all the time. One of us is always sleeping. Of the two who are awake, one is taking a driving shift and the other is the deliverer. Every eight hours we rotate what we do. 

Right now, I’m driving. It’s not that hard, but when I’m driving, Nutmeg is the deliverer and Dad is sleeping. Nutmeg is super annoying. Does he drive Dad crazy when it’s just the two of them?

He just asked if I was recording all my first thoughts and impressions “that you’ve gleaned in your first days of Santaship.”

He can guilt me into pretending to write in this dumb diary, but he can’t makre me write anything important. And I mean it!

November 28, Matt 15

Since I’m not going to write about how sad Nick sounded when Dad and I radioed him earlier today, I’ll list out the presents I delivered:

Sasha Peters: a new bike and a book about turtles

DJ Jones: wireless headphones and a drone

Victoria Evans: a doll and a paint set

Cody Burns: a skateboard and a soccer ball

This is boring to write. And Nutmeg will not stop looking at me. Urgh. He’s more annoying than Algebra!

I’ll explain some of the Santa stuff Dad has been teaching me. 

Why do we only give kids two gifts?

It’s a legit question. All the movies in OtherWorld make it seem like Santa brings everything, but the truth is since parents have mostly stopped believing in Santa, it would probably freak them out if they woke up to a room full of presents they had no idea how they arrived. We give two because it’s fairly easy for the parents to miss them or think they other parent or a grandparent or other relative got those presents. Dad thinks we could probably push that a bit. He thinks most parents in OtherWorld are pretty tired and worn out by the time Christmas rolls around and we could give their kids more gifts without them noticing.

For kids in Smythe’s SFL, who obviously believe in him, I mean, me—that’s weird to write, we do the full Christmas.

But what if Nick gets so sad that he vanishes? What if…..?

What did you think of Carole’s diary? Please let me know! Also, let me know in the comments whose diary you’d like to read from next?

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